I had a “free day” for the first time in a while. I didn’t really have any pressing work today, didn’t have to work my part time job, and I didn’t need to do any big chores. Felt nice, but makes me sad how much free time I used to have and just run through - now one day in months is all I get lol. A lot of it just has to do with feeling ok letting go of THINKING about work. That takes up almost as much time as doing the work itself.
Part of my free time I spent seeing my aunties and brother and helping one of them remove some things off the wall in preparation to move out of her house and into a new one. After that I went to a cookout, ate some steamed oysters, burnt hot-dogs and lil meat ball burgers and played a fun several rounds of ‘would you rather-’
Im glad I wasn’t one of the 4-5 people that sliced their hands trying to open oyster shells.
After that I went with the lady to a show at the Pour House and saw a musician I knew (okay) and a musician I hadn’t heard before (amazing.) The lady was supposed to play a show with her two days ago, but she had just finished producing, directing and starring in 3(!) music videos this week. Holy shit. She is such a rock star I can’t even believe all the cool shit she does that looks so effortless to her.
The musician we saw was Elizabeth Moen - again, amazing. Great player, strong vocals, good writing. She will definitely be popping up on everyone’s radar in a few more years.
It was good to see that, and feel that, where she is in her career, like the lady and I, it’s just being in the middle of it and then one day it just happens. Things just click. Years of work and effort snap together into a moment, and then you just keep going and keep working for that next moment whenever it comes. Felt good to be a spectator to someone else’s creativity, instead of bottled up with my own so much.
I’ve been working and building up for this next month at Redux for this Lightining Residency (!!!) and this week is going to be tough knocking out this mural at Freehouse Brewery as well, but I am exactly where I want to be. I didn’t recognize it at first, because it is easy to get overwhelmed, worry about money, feel inadequate, run down, tired, focused on the next thing, not being grateful, etc…but when I started to challenge myself on how I was feeling vs. the opportunities that I have in my life right now, I realized the things I am doing are exactly the things I tell myself I want and strive for, and feel like “if only I could get some of THAT.” I just felt the same before and after arriving in this moment, and it’s taking me work to wake up to where I am now. It’s pretty wild how bad our brains are at aligning out verbal “thinking” thoughts with our feelings and emotions sometimes. I am excited and happy, but I had to remind myself what that meant, from my own definitions of acievement; it was hiding and I had to slow down and search for it a bit.
I also watched a ted talk about sleep that kind of scared me out of continuing to do 2-3am days too often. So that’s probably why I feel a little more grounded and calm.